Home » Games News » A tribute to Carla
Its coming up to carla's 12th birthday onthe 18th of June. Unfortunately she won't be here in physical form to share this precious day with us because she passed suddenly on 1 July last year.
For almost a year now, its been literally impossible for me to think about her without weeping or feeling that throat closing gut wrenching head spinning lung compressing feeling we call grief. Such a short word for a long process.
With her birthday so close I started thinking about the 11 birthdays that i was priveledged to spend with her.
Carla always had a sense of style and drama, and like to make an entrance. Our first experience of that was on the 18th of June 1997, when she came into this world.
I went into labour at 5am - and was really surprised at how painful it actually was, I thought everyone was exagerating. Carla took her time and eventually decided to make an appearance at 18:05. She emerged bright blue, with her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck and had to be rushed to intensive care to receive oxygen. After about 10 minutes, which seemed like a million years to me, she was brought back to me looking pink & healthy. She was really long & thin, with the biggest feet. I loved those feet, and would kiss them at any opportunity.
On her 1st birthday, we gave her a little backpack that she could carry her stuff around in. When we got to the nursery school she would kiss me goodbye, get out of the car, and insist on walking in by herself. I used to wait until she was around the corner and then sneakily follow her and make sure she was ok.
One night early in July, Carla toddled outside and fell into our swimming pool. I was working late and she was alone with her dad. My husband discovered her floating in the pool, dived in and pulled her out and rescucitated her. I believe that was the day she made her deal with the angels. 10 years later, almost to the day, she drowned in a river, and no-one was able to find her to bring her back. Her soul knew she had limited time on earth and she used every last minute.
By Carla's 2nd birthday she finally started growing real hair. Up until then she was one of those very blonde, bald looking babies. Her hair would prove to be the most amazingly thick mop of blonde higlighted-looking hair that a girl could desire.
At 3 she scored one of those little pink bicycles with "princess" down the side and training wheels. Within weeks she had transformed it into a bmx used for speeding through muddy puddles and ramping off pavements.
The 4th birthday was fairy themed, and the first one that her sister Ashlee attended.
The 5th birthday seemed to have a lot of Barbie stuff happening.
By 6 her obsession with the sea had begun. She wanted a surfboard, and her cake was a giant dolphin. Summer was spent in the swimming pool - naked. She had such an all-over tan that the only way you could see what her original colour was, was when she bent over...
When she turned 7 she had started primary school. She changed so much that year. At the beginning of grade 1 she was a still a "baby" and by the end of the year she had turned into a little girl. She was very resoponsible about her school work, and got a prize for neatness & diligence. This was also the year we discovered that she was almost completely deaf, because an ear infection had caused vacuums behind her eardrums. A small op was all that was needed to sort the problem out. For quite a while afterwards she would complain that everyone around her was very loud.
By the time Carla was 8 she was winning every swimming race there was to be had. Her splish splash progression across the pool had developed into the most incredible graceful, effortless glide. I went to the Gala to support her, more out of a feeling of motherly obligation than anything else. When she dove in and started swimming, my jaw dropped. Was that really my little girl?
At 9 she was swimming, playing netball and hockey, coming top of her class, riding a proper bmx bike through the forest, and generally being completely over the top. She was good at everything! She won 2 trophies that year - one for swimming & the other for netball. She joined the surf lifesaving club, and took part in the SA Champs lifesaving competition. She was blonde, with enormous blue eyes and had a lovely strong muscular body. She had a really nice group of friends and was very popular.
At ten she was elected grade 4 President by her peers, she took part in another SA Champs - this time placing in 2 races. She won every one of her races in the school gala. She even had her first "boyfriend".
My little girl, on her 11th birthday was poised on the brink of womanhood. She reminded me of a white rosebud, ready to unfurl into a beautiful flower. I often wonder what kind of woman this girl would have become? She seemed so alive and indestructable. She could have done or been anything she had set her mind to.
2 weeks after her birthday she was at the bottom of a very big river. It took a team of divers 7 days to find what remained of her. I never saw her body, as I was advised that she was very badly decomposed, and only identifiable by her clothing.
I have spent a lot of time wondering what would have happened if I had said no to her going camping with her friend. I know now that I would never had said no because I wanted her to experience life to the fullest.
One night I dreamed that I saw her swimming out with her fluid stroke to the middle of the river. "come back" I shouted, "it's dangerous". Her reply was, "It's OK Mommy.its time"